


That damn biotic

by HeavenOnFire



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst(just a little), Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 06:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8566687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenOnFire/pseuds/HeavenOnFire
Summary: Shepard had a problem.If he'd be true to himself, he had millions of problems. But those were the ones he could call on his loyal crew to help him with. Those were the Commander's problem.John Shepard, the person, the man, had only one problem. And it all started and ended with a certain Major he had picked up from the Citadel.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [potionsmaster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/gifts).



> Thank you AzzyDarling for arranging this. I had great fun writing this. And the idea of fic swap and prompts is brilliant!  
> And thank portionsmaster for the awesome prompt. Thank you.

That damn biotic

 

Shepard had a problem. 

If he'd be true to himself, he had millions of problems. But those were the ones he could call on his loyal crew to help him with. Those were the Commander's problem. 

John Shepard, the person, the man, had only one problem. And it all started and ended with a certain Major he had picked up at the Citadel after Cerberus' attack. 

With heavy heart, Shepard let his head fall against the tiled wall of his shower. He scratched his shaved head and let out a long sigh. Thinking about Kaidan and all his problems always made his skull itch. He couldn't even put a finger on it as of why he was so frustrated lately. Maybe it was because for weeks they have done nothing but searching the galaxy for useful assets and lost artifact. 

He didn't want to say that those things were trivial and not of use, because in this war, every single one asset was useful. But still, he just wished that he could turn his ship around that take his most trusted down to the planet for something more than just a banner of some lost turian regiment. 

Another sigh. 

No, that wasn't it. Before Kaidan rejoined his crew, Shepard had no problem searching the galaxy. Since the only variable that changed was Kaidan, Shepard realized it must be something between him and Kaidan that triggered his state. 

If he could just go down and talk to Kaidan. But that wasn't that easy. Every time he cleared his schedule and made time for Kaidan, the Major was either otherwise engaged or not really in the mood for long talks. 

Like yesterday....

 

Shepard had done all this paperwork, which was not as bad as everyone made it out to be. He had more than enough experience to finish it before it got mind numbing. When he filed his last report and nodded with satisfaction that no more chores waited for him, he took the shortest route to Kaidan's location. When he arrived at the crewdeck, his steps were almost light, like a dance he had practiced for a long time. 

Kaidan had an uncanny ability to sense his proximity. He looked up from his food and smiled at Shepard warmly, which always made his insides melt. Just as Shepard was about to open his mouth to say hello, Kaidan's attention was drawn to Liara, who burst out of her cabin marching directly at Kaidan. 

She sat down at Kaidan's side without greeting and started showing him something on her datapad. It wasn't like Liara to be this rude, which in turn told Shepard that these two of his oldest companions had been in a conversation previous to his arrival, which also would make Shepard the intruder in this situation. 

To cover his embarrassment, Shepard made a beeline for the med-center. He chatted briefly with Dr. Chakwas, but the entire time keeping his eyes trained on Liara and Kaidan outside the window. 

They seemed so familiar with each other, Liara leaning close to say something and Kaidan nodding, his forehead almost touching Liara's cheeks. They laughed together, both completely deepened in whatever they were discussing. And then, Shepard's eye twitched and he completely lost track of the staged conversation he was trying to have with Dr. Chakwas when Kaidan suddenly blushed at something Liara said. 

The major blinked quickly and tried to hide his flustered face behind his cup, but to no avail. Liara laughed, her eyes curved in an understanding way and she placed a gentle hand on Kaidan's back and padded him softly. Then, she had the audacity to whisper something into Kaidan's ear which made the Major choke on his food. 

Now, their display had drawn some spectators. Liara shook her head with a chuckled and stood promptly, heading back into the lair of the shadow broker, leaving Kaidan behind to deal with curious glances alone. 

“Careful, Commander,” Chakwas said matter-of-factly. “You betray yourself. As a Doctor, I recommend you talk to the Major. This much repressed stress can't be good for you.”

“I don't know what you're talking about!” was all that Shepard replied before he exited the med-bay without looking at Kaidan. 

Better find Garrus, he could use a spar right now. 

 

Two days later and another planet stripped bare of useful assets, Shepard was still mulling over what happened that day on the crew-deck. He had tried to talk to Liara, digging for information about what made Kaidan flush that way. But who was he kidding? Liara was the damn Shadow Broker. Even if Shepard really really wanted to, he couldn't have gotten anything out of Liara the Asari didn't want to share. 

Defeated, Shepard decided the best way to clear his mind was to spend one of two hours reviewing his crew's armors and arms. Modding weapons always was a good way to relax. Once his mind was set on the specs of the weapons, everything else became irrelevant. It was all numbers and fact then, no over-thinking, or second-guessing. 

As Shepard set foot onto the hanger bay, he knew Normandy itself had turned against him. In the middle of the runway, Vega and Kaidan were in a game called 'kicking the shit out of each other' also known as friendly sparring. 

It was also in that moment Shepard discovered that he deeply appreciate the alliance issued shirts that seemed always a size to small. Even from his angle and distance, he could see every muscle in Kaidan's back move. Kaidan dodged James' strike and danced skillfully out of the way. He fainted high and aimed low, directly for Vega's abdomen. But Vega wouldn't be a N7 candidate if he fell for that. As the two soldiers danced around each other, exchanging blows after blows, Shepard's eyes wandered.

His gazed landed on Kaidan's butt just as the Major crouched down, wiping some sweat from his forehead. Yep, Shepard almost nodded to himself. It was still the same butt he had spent hours appreciating back on the original Normandy. No matter how much weight Kaidan gained or which armor class he was proficient to now, his butt would always be the best of the galaxy. 

He wondered if it felt different in his palm now. 

“Commander.” It was Cortez. His voice was soft and a little bit dreamy. 

“Steve,” Shepard relied automatically. “Anything you want, Lieutenant?”

“Nope, Commander.” There was a hint of smile in it now. “Just here to appreciate the view. Same of you.”

Shepard stared at him in disbelieve. Cortez winked. This time, it was Shepard who flustered. He turned towards the armor bench, willing himself to tear his eyes from the now wrestling soldiers. For the next hour, Shepard endured the best and worst torture of his life. 

 

Ah, gunfight and exploding biotic. Shepard could smell the ozone through the filter of his helmet. He charged into battle with a cry on his lips and tore one reaper soldier after another into pieces. 

He was not warmongering, but he was a soldier. It was perfectly alright to enjoy battle, especially if they were winning. It wasn't the first time Shepard felt the unspoken pride in himself as he watched the broken lines of his enemies, made by him and his companions. 

Across the field, a stack of crates exploded into the air, exposing the reaper forces taking cover behind it. Shepard picked the one on the left, as Kaidan picked the one in the middle and Jack simply hurled the third into the air and back down to the ground again. 

It was a good idea to invite her along. With her and Kaidan both acting like biotic gods and Shepard not lacking in behind, Jack's students had more than enough time to evacuate the civilians trapped here. 

“Hey L2, nice shot.” Jack commented. “Forgot how to throw a shockwave?”

“Why thank you, Miss Jack,” Kaidan retorted, overloading a Marauder's shield. “But it's called micromanaging. I don't waste power if I don't have to.”

“It's called bullshit!” She laughed, hitting the same Marauder with one of her infamous biotic balls. “Let's see what the best Biotic in the Alliance can do!”

Shepard wanted to remind then that this is a highly dangerous battlefield, not gym class but was cut short by Kaidan unleashing awesome biotic power on his part. The husks charging towards them all flew back at least ten yards. 

“That's what I'm talking about!” came Jack's voice over Shepard's earpiece. 

“Uhm, guys,” Shepard chimed in. “We're deep in occupied territory? No unnecessary risk, please?”

Jack turned to narrow her eyes at him. She jumped over the cover, clearing muttering “Pussy” under her breath. 

Shepard sighed and caught Kaidan's eyes. With almost all of his face covered by his helmet, Shepard couldn't read his expression. But judging by Kaidan jumping over cover as well and chasing after Jack, he took the bait and accepted this challenge. 

With no choice at hand but to cover their backs, Shepard couldn't see what's happening behind them. But the sound of biotics tearing things apart filled his surroundings. He heard the reaper forces scream and saw crates being catapulted into the air behind the next building. 

He shoot two incoming cannibals in the head and turned towards where Kaidan and Jack went. Deciding against caution and more in favor of a closed formation, Shepard charged at the nearest cannibal he could find. He jumped from one to the next, leaving a trail of dead bodies behind until he eventually came upon the devastation Kaidan and Jack were wrecking among the enemy forces. 

They didn't talk much as they fought, both throwing more biotics at the enemy than Shepard cared to note. They tore brutes down to its knees before it was even in range of charging. Dancing among blue fire, Jack was a force a nature. It was a direct contrast to Kaidan's careful calculated style of fighting. 

She had more power than she knew what to do with. Blasting them against her enemy seemed the logical choice. But Kaidan was different. He was strong, skilled and spiked higher than any other, his efficiency originated from experience and as he said 'micromanagement'. 

“Good of you to join the party,” Kaidan said over com as he noticed Shepard charging into the enemy lines. “We left some for you.”

“Ha ha!” Shepard retorted.

“Less talking, more blasting! We're keeping score, L2!” She said, sending a cannibal crushing into the two behind him. “Loser buys beer!”

For waves after waves, the three of them defended this fix position, allowing the students and refugees to escape. It wasn't hard, but after the countless waves, Shepard was low on heat-sink and his head was buzzing from all the times he charged at the enemy. Everytime, it felt like headbutting a krogan. 

“Shepard!” Kaidan crouched down next to him, his hand immediately on Shepard's chest to steady him. “Are you okay?”

“Just need a minute, shield's busted.” Shepard panted. He knew the challenge was technically only between Jack and Kaidan, but he himself had a reputation to consider. “Prangley, Cortez, status!”

“Shuttle's en route, Commander!”

“We're almost there, Commander.” Prangley panted over the com. “Just a few minutes.”

“Make it quick!” Shepard looked up at Kaidan. “A few minutes, think we can manage?”

From his eyes, Shepard could tell that Kaidan was grinning. “Stay here, Commander. We'll handle it!”

“Hell, yeah!” Jack said from somewhere Shepard couldn't see. “Come on, L2. Let's show Shepard how real biotics handle things.”

Instead of defending Shepard, Kaidan actually gave him a wink and flipped over the cover. In this instant Shepard didn't even know if he should be offended because Kaidan thought he wasn't a real biotic, or flattered because Kaidan wanted to impress him. 

He'd have to think about it later, now he needed to watch their backs as both biotics took up mid-ranged positions and unleashed biotic hell upon the reapers. Knowing that the shuttle would be here any minute, they had the luxury of using more of their power than strictly necessary. Especially Kaidan. 

When Shepard shot from behind cover, he could see what it mean for Kaidan. For the three minutes they fought until Cortez arrives, Kaidan's gun was used only to finish off the opponents his tech and biotic skills couldn't. He had a pattern of fighting. Take their protection, be it shield of cover, draining them slowly of life and then one of two bullets in the head. Sometimes, he froze quick moving targets close to Jack or Shepard, making them easier to target. 

Kaidan might not be the vanguard Shepard was or the war machine Jack seemed to be, but he was the best the supporter Shepard could ask for. He aided silently, granting the actual kill to someone else. That was Kaidan's brilliance. He was never the hero Shepard was. He was not the one to be celebrated. But without him, no other would be. 

When the last brute fell at their feet, Kaidan sighed out loud. He took off his helmet and shook sweat from his hair just as Cortez landed their shuttle behind them. 

“Puh,” he smiled at Jack. “That was fun.”

Jack had a grin on her face Shepard didn't like. He watch them picking up their weapons and heading towards the door, where he stood waiting. His and Kaidan's eyes met and something was sparkling between them. He was well aware of this feeling. Adrenaline was burning, urging them both to do something stupid. 

But a loud slap interrupted the silent communication. Kaidan gasped and Jack took her hand from Kaidan's butt. 

“I like this one, Shepard.” She climbed into the shuttle, completely unfazed by her behavior. “You should keep him. And fuck him for me.”

When Kaidan followed a second later, he did not comment on Jack's remark. But for the rest of the ride, non of the two alliance officers were able to meet each other's eyes. 

 

Things needed to change between him and Kaidan. It was straining for both of them. Ever since their mission with Jack, Kaidan was avoiding him, or at least Shepard though so. When ever he went to see Kaidan, the Major was short on time. Or when they met in the crew area, Kaidan was always deep in conversation with someone. It irked Shepard the most that he noticed things were getting heated between Cortez and Kaidan. Like right now in the lounge.

The two men seem to talk a lot. And never on the com, always in person. Were Shepard a lesser man, he might have eavesdropped on them. But, no. He was the commander on this ship. He must allow his crew the necessary privacy. 

But it was infuriating. Everyone knew that Cortez considered Kaidan eye-candy. And everyone knew that Cortez wouldn't object spending time with the hot major with the smokey voice. Cortez' words, not Shepard's, thought the Commander agreed with him completely. 

But what about Kaidan? Was he still somehow interested in Shepard or had he moved on? Couldn't they at least be friends? 

“What is between you and Kaidan?” It was Tali. She always forgot the filter for her mouth whenever she drank. And since her home planet had just been retaken, Tali had more reason than anyone to celebrate. “Oh, or is he 'dating' your shuttle pilot?”

“What?” Shepard almost chocked on his drink. “Who told you that?”

“Normandy isn't that... hic...big.” Tali hiccuped. “Gossip travel fast.”

“That he's with Cortez?” Shepard looked down at his drink and wanted to drown in there. He was too slow and now Kaidan did move on. Dammit. 

“Are you okay, Shepard?”

“Yeah, fine.”

“I mean that Kaidan is here.” Tali looked at him, her visor reflecting Shepard's face. He looked pathetic. 

“Sure,” he nodded. “Why wouldn't it be?”

“I mean, you two were... uhm... engaged? Together? Dating?” She hiccuped again. “Human terms.... Then when we fought the collectors, he left you? You were angry, I remember. And now, he's... hic. I don't know if I could deal with it.”

“That's in the past.” Shepard swallowed hard. “We cleaned the air.”

“And still you look like you want to murder someone.” Tali put the straw in the slot in her helmet and drank. 

For a while, Shepard watched Kaidan silently. As if knowing he was being observed, Kaidan lifted his gaze from Cortez' omnitool and looked at him. Shepard realized that Kaidan's face was a little flushed and his smile relaxed. It was the first time they had really looked at each other since Jack's comment. It was also the best time for Shepard to leave before he did something really really unforgivable. Like charging towards them, demanding answers. 

He nodded at Kaidan and turned his gaze away. No one seemed to take much notice as he made way towards the door. The noise from the mess area told Shepard that other soldiers were celebrating their victory over Rannoch as well. Tali was right, Normandy wasn't that big and there weren't that much place to hide. 

He was luckily stopped by the only person who could make him feel better right now. Garrus was leaning nonchalantly against the elevator, as if knowing Shepard would be here. 

“Not in the mood?” Garrus examined the tips of his fingers like a woman examining her nails. He picked up this habit just to annoy Shepard, he knew it. 

“Could use some quiet.” Shepard nodded. “Where have you been? You missed Tali being drunk.”

“I'm sure she'll still be drunk when I join her later.” Garrus stepped closer. “Go on, the observation is empty. I can buy you some time.”

Garrus didn't know how to relax even if Shepard hit him in the face with it. But he didn't want to argue that he wasn't exactly hiding. Padding Garrus' shoulder, Shepard nodded. 

He turned towards the endlessness of blackness when the door slid close behind him. This place was so clam, no wonder Kaidan liked it here. Now, Shepard was thinking about Kaidan again. If he could, he would turn back time. This time, he would tell Kaidan from the beginning how he felt. Now, it would just be awkward. 

He could pull his rank and confront Kaidan as a superior officer. Technically, Kaidan wasn't suppose to date Cortez. But who cared right now with a war on. As long as Kaidan and Cortez both promised not to let their emotions get in the way of missions, Shepard could accept that. 

He was still rehearsing the conversation in his head when he heard the door hiss open behind him. So much for Garrus buying him time. 

“Hey,” Kaidan's deep, soft, husky voice sent goosebumps on Shepard's skin. “Garrus said you wanted to talk.”

“Urg,” Shepard slapped his forehead. “Sometimes I want to kill that Turian!”

“Anything wrong?” Kaidan sat down on the couch, his face open and friendly. “Commander?”

“I'm fine.” was what Shepard wanted to say. But out came “Why don't you call me by Shepard anymore?”

Kaidan blinked. “What?”

“You say 'Commander' not 'Shepard'.”

“Do I? Hun.” Kaidan lowered his head, smiling to himself. “didn't know you noticed.” 

Of course I noticed! Shepard wanted to shout, but he contained himself with a simple shrug. On the inside, he might be panicking just a little bit because this might be the most private time he had had with Kaidan in a long time, but on the outside, he was Commander Shepard. And Commander Shepard didn't panic. 

“So,” He started, leaning against the side of the window, deviding his glances evenly between Kaidan and the stars. “Got enough of Cortez' omnitool?”

Kaidan just shook his head slightly. He remained silent for a while, then joined Shepard close to the window. “Hey, uhm, Shepard,” he started slowly, a gentle smile on his lips. “I want to apologize. I've been avoiding you.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” Shepard nodded. 

“Sorry.”

“We're good.” He put his hand on Kaidan's shoulder and squeezed. What a stupid move. He could have said something smarter, or cuter. But sure, he always stood in his own way in the things of romance. “Want to tell me what's about?”

the major's eyes mustered him for a moment. “I needed time.” He sighed, looking out into the space. “Uhm, to understand how I feel about things.”

Shepard had so many questions, but for now he was happy just listening to Kaidan talk. 

“I wanted to talk to you,” Kaidan continued. “but then, I didn't know what to say. I mean, so many things happened, I don't know if we can go back to how we were.” He sighed. “I want to. I want to be friends with you, like we were. But....”

“But?” Shepard could hear his heart pounding. His palms were sweaty, his throat dry. Damn, Kaidan always made him feel so inadequate. 

“But there are things I can't forget. And I can't just stop, you know?”

“Kaidan,” Shepard cleared his throat. “What are you trying to tell me.”

“Commander,” Kaidan straightened. “If I'm out of the line, just tell me. If not, I'd like to go with it, see where it takes me.” Kaidan inhaled, as if gathering his courage. His cheeks deepened in color and his usual amber eyes became a tick darker. “I have feelings for you. I really do. And even after everything, I still care about you. Deeply.”

Now, Shepard thought his heart would leave his chest any minute. Kaidan was really saying what he was saying, wasn't he? Shepard wasn't dreaming or imagining things. This wasn't wishful thinking. This was real. 

“Kaidan....”

“Please, let me finish.” Kaidan stopped him hastily. “I could be wrong, but I think I'm not. I can read the signs. And feel your eyes on me. I know you're watching. And well....” He hesitated. Then, he suddenly laughed. Not one of his open hearted laugh, but one that was more a chuckle. His head bend down, his eyes fixing a point on Shepard's chest. “Normandy isn't that big and there's a lot of talk.” His glanced up a Shepard, almost shyly. “Am I reading the signals wrong?”

Shepard blinked. Did he made a fool out of himself? “Are you telling me that all this time everyone knew?”

“I didn't.” Kaidan replied. “Well, I hoped. But know? No. Not until Cortez told me.”

Shepard lifted an eyebrow. 

“If I'm not wrong, let me know.” Kaidan gave him a weak smile and turned to leave. 

It was so like Kaidan, always having a way out. He left the ball in Shepard's court, allowing the Commander to let him down easy. He was smart. He knew exactly what Shepard needed. It wasn't just his affection. Above all, Shepard needed to be in control. In giving Shepard the choice, Kaidan was achieving exactly that. 

Why couldn't he see it this way from the beginning? Why was he stupid enough to waste weeks of time though they couldn't afford even a day. With everything crushing down around them and friends dying left and right, Shepard knew now was the time to face it.

“I love you, Kaidan.” He spurred out, making the Major halt in his steps. 

“Wow,” the biotic chuckled. “Wasn't expecting this.”

“I love you, Kaidan.” Shepard stepped close into Kaidan's personal space and the major made no attempt to retreat. Good. “I know these aren't the best of circumstances, but this is all we've got. Like I told you on Mars, my feelings haven't changed. You know that.”

“So I'm the idiot who took so long to make my move, hun?”

“Hey, no pressure.” Shepard chuckled. “I'll take whatever I can get.”

“Why didn't you say something?”

“I said it lots of time, Kaidan.” Shepard rolled his eyes. “How many times do you want to hear it from me? I care about you, deeply. Always.”

“Wow,” Kaidan shook his head. “This went a lot different than I planned.”

“Good or bad?” Shepard winced.

“Good, good, of course!” 

“Good.” Shepard grinned and swiped his hands on his pants before placing them on either side of Kaidan's hips. Oh, he missed touching Kaidan. “Uhm, I'm going to kiss you now. So....”

Kaidan shut him up by doing exactly what Shepard suggested. It was tender and soft at first, as if he wasn't sure this was what Shepard wanted. But then, his hands came up on either side of Shepard's torso and the commander pushed against Kaidan. His lips were just like Shepard remembered. He missed Kaidan so much it was hard to express. When Kaidan's tongue pushed against his lips, Shepard felt as if he could fly. 

“I could get use to this again,” Kaidan chuckled against his lips when they parted. He opened his eyes to look at the Commander. They were almost black with lust. 

“Come with me,” he grinned. He put an arm around Kaidan's waist and steered him towards the door. Meanwhile, he whispered into the other's ear. “I think it's time we celebrate in private, Major. There's a collections of model ships I want to show you.”

Kaidan threw his head back and laughed. Really laughed. How Shepard had missed that sound. “Really, Shepard?”

“And remind me to introduce you to Hercules.”

 

As they waited for the elevator, Shepard dared to look towards the lounge where the rest of the crew were still reveling in their victory. He caught James and Cortez glancing their way, both grinning with glee of schoolboys. Credits exchanged hands and Cortez winked at Kaidan, who blushed in Shepard's arm. 

Then Liara's head ducked out, followed by Garrus who wiggled his face plates at Shepard. He mouthed something close to 'You can thank me later.' Liara elbowed him in the ribs, smiling smugly. Everything in her expression betrayed that she knew exactly what was going on all along and had planned accordingly. Shepard wouldn't put it past her to have come up with the plan of sending Kaidan to him through Garrus. All they needed was the right moment, which in turn was created through Tali. 

In that moment, Shepard knew that all his friends had conspired against him. 

Sometimes, he hated and loved his friends. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, portionsmaster. :-) It is escpecially for you.  
> But also for everyone else. Thank you so much for reading.  
> And if you haven't guessed it by now, Hercules is how I named Shepard's space hamster.


End file.
